In my independent study course with Professor Honoree Jeffers, we often talked about topics of race and culture, womanhood and the artistic process. Often times with the men I've met, I find that my ethnicity as "Hispanic" is a novelty, and not taken seriously as part of my identity. One of those epiphanous conversations my professor and I had was about how different it is to date a woman from, let's just come out and say it, a white background, than to date a Latina or African-American woman. Professor Jeffers encouraged me to write something I believed encapsulated my personal thoughts on the things American-raised men should know about us loca Latina women.
SO without further adieu, here it goes:
A 101 Poem by Marilyse Figueroa-Valdez
How to Date a Latina Woman
I
am not a girl you can walk up to and spin your lips at
because
I am Latina and I won’t respond to that.
I
am not a girl you can take to a club and dance on
because
I am Latina and I want to dance salsa, not be mounted upon.
I
am not a girl you can take to any old restaurant
because
I am Latina and Chili’s makes me want to pull out my tongue.
I
am not a girl that likes to be called “boo,” “sugar,” or “babe”
because
I am Latina and I love the sound of “corazón,” “cariño,” and “amor.”
I
am not a girl that likes to “hang out”
because
I am Latina and I expect you to “take me out,” not watch a movie on your couch.
I
am not a girl that likes to repeat herself
because
I am Latina and my name is beautiful if you try to pronounce it the way I call
myself.
I
am not a girl that would allow you to call her mama bad names
because I am Latina and my mother is my
heroine, and once you meet her you’ll think the same.
I am not a girl that would allow you to
come inside after a few dates
because I am Latina and no matter how
young I am, I am traditional, and that can wait.
I am not a girl that would allow you to
take me away
because I am Latina and in my family, I
lead the way.
I
am not a girl that believes there are no coincidences
because
I am Latina and I move with my spirit.
I
am not a girl that believes in telenovelas
because
I am Latina and I know the difference between passion and obsession.
I
am not a girl that believes she needs a man
because
I am Latina and I come from a long line of strong Latina women.
You
may think because I am Latina I want a husband and lots of babies,
but
you do not ask me who I am beyond your stereotype.
You
may think because I am Latina I want to stay inside the home
but
you do not ask me what happens when the apron comes off and I am neither
cook,
mother, nor wife.
You
may think just because I am Latina it does not mean I’m different from the rest
of the girls,
but
as I keep telling you I am Latina, not simply a girl you can take without my
traditions.
And
finally, so you will know what to do when you date a Latina woman like me,
remember
I don’t expect you to memorize this list, I expect you to get to know me.
___________________________________________________________________
I hope my little slice of wisdom empowers more Latinas out there to have pride in their differences,
and all other women as well. This may sound preachy, but we do not have to let men set the rules.
If anything, we must communicate what the rules are for ourselves, and forget what society has said
is acceptable. And to the men, so you do not feel like this is a bra burning post, we are listening!
Cuidate, ok? jaja
Con amor,
Marilyse
